Fuck you Google and your fucking persistent malware that never gives up

So... I start my Windows installation up today and I am welcomed not only with the ding-a-ling of the login chime but also with a message from Dropbox saying it is updating, or starting, or advertising the benefits of purchasing it. Earning it immediate uninstallation.

What it said is not important, only that it was running at all. I am one of those people who has nothing run at start up, choosing instead to actually choose which programs get to run on my computer. I know, what a weirdo.
Normally when something gets installed, it registers itself into one of the 'start my updater/adware/persistence server/self when the computer begins' and therefore, whenever something gets installed, I open up CCleaner and remove it from that list.

So Dropbox appearing at this point means it has re-inserted itself into the list at some point. This flies in the face of everything I consider important in a UI: I interact with my computer to stop something from happening and then this is reversed later without prompting me. Unacceptable; it must be immediately uninstalled. So I uninstall Dropbox (pfft, as if there isn't enough ways of sharing files that I would be forced to put up with unwelcome bloatware), and notice that Google Update is registered in this same list.

Well.... I am... furious. In addition to doing exactly what Dropbox has done (silently re-enabled a service I had previously disabled), it runs this service in the background, making changes to programs installed on my computer without so much as a peep. What. The. Fuck.

Surely Google, a more-reputable-than-average software development company would provide easy instructions for how to remove their software if it is unwanted. I mean, even SecureROM provides uninstallation instructions and they don't even produce anything besides that malware.

This is what I found. And to quote...

Google Update can't be removed by itself. If you remove Google Update processes from your computer, you may find that your Google programs no long function properly and, in many cases, you may see Google Update return automatically.
To fully uninstall Google Update, uninstall any Google applications you currently have installed. Approximately an hour after uninstalling your other Google programs, Google Update should be uninstalled automatically.

Wow. So not only can I not remove it through any conventional means, the only way to remove it is to delete everything Google has ever had a hand in and hope and trust that Google Update deletes itself.

I'm pretty confident the only Google product I have is Chrome. I raged at Firefox some time ago for not doing searches in the address bar (it does do that nowadays) and started using Chrome. Since then, and until now, I have considered both browsers roughly equals. Offering more or less the same qualities and annoyances. Oh how my opinion has changed this afternoon. At least Firefox doesn't come bundled with malware that has a) no announcement of it being installed, b) no indication that it is currently installed, c) resistance to attempts to subdue it and d) no provided means of removing it.

Google Update has literally ruined this installation for me. How can I be sure at any point from now on that Update has actually been removed?

Ugh.. I actually just shuddered IRL at the thought of how long this thing could be around for. Uninstalling Chrome, I thought the only thing I might miss was Incognito mode, which is quite nice if you don't want everything you are doing recorded secretly (well, realistically it still gets recorded - you just don't get a copy). But apparently Firefox does this too now and it's as easy as Ctrl+Shift+P (approximately as easy as Ctrl+Shift+N). Good riddance Chrome (and hopefully Update too)!